Be good, do bad
by thecinnamonroll-varian
Summary: Takes place right after once a hands maiden. How does Varian and everyone else take the accident with Project Obsidian?
1. Part 1

Varian took in a shaky breath of relief. While it hurt to see Corona encased in the same black rocks that once encased his village, and while the whole situation brought back some awful memories, he was just happy that Rapunzel was okay.

Overall, Varian was just really happy to see that everyone were somewhat okay, even though no one had really gotten out unharmed. He knew the gun going off was a mistake, yet he couldn't help but feel a painful sting in his chest whenever he looked at another bruise, another heartbroken face. People had lost their kingdom, their home. And somewhat, he was responsible for that. He couldn't look anyone in the eyes. Especially not Rapunzel.

So, when she wanted to talk with him in private, he couldn't help, but just want to run away, never to come back again. He wasn't one to do so though.

While he hated confrontations, and the guilt he was already feeling was dragging him down, he honestly felt like he deserved whatever she had to say to him. After the chaos he just caused, it couldn't be anything good, that was for sure.

"Varian," He could feel her eyes on him, knew that her pause meant that she was waiting for him to either respond, maybe for him to apologise? For him to promise to leave and never come back? Go back to prison?? Or maybe she was waiting for him to look back at her... he honestly had no idea, but his mind was running wild at this point. Realising that she wouldn't get any response from him, Rapunzel continued. "you doing okay?"

He certainly wasn't expecting that. Was it a more humane way to do it? Make sure he wasn't hurt before... before whatever was to come? He stared at his boots, trying to keep his breathing on track. "I'm- I'm fi-ne." Oh, great. Wonderful voice crack right there. Real convincing. Totally didn't sound like he was about to cry.

Rapunzel placed her hands on his shoulders, giving them a light squeeze. "Wanna talk about it?" Talk about it? Talk about it?? He's partly responsible for Corona's fall, and she asks if he wants to talk about it. That's like asking someone who hurt a lot of people, how they feel, but... you did hurt a lot of people he reminded himself. Really, none of this would've happened if it wasn't for him. It was all his fault. He didn't deserve to get to talk about it, he shouldn't get to talk about it.

He wanted to tell her all this. He wanted to yell at her, make her understand how horrible he was. Make her see that he only ruined everything and hurt everyone. Constant. Always. But all he did was shake his head.

"Varian-" he pushed her hands of his shoulders, a little bit too violent for what he meant to do, but he just ignored the expression of hurt and concern on her face. Maybe he just... didn't know how to be good. Maybe he wasn't meant to be good.


	2. Part 2

Varian knew that the way his thoughts were spiraling alarmingly similar to the time his dad got trapped in the amber, probably wasn't a good thing, but honestly he couldn't be bothered with worrying about that right now. Maybe nothing had changed after that... maybe... maybe he was still the same kid who only knew how to hurt people, even if he didn't mean to. Maybe it was inevitable for him to hurt people... was he still the bad guy? Was he no better than Cassandra?

After all, she hadn't attacked before his gun went off, so was he really the one who caused the whole thing? The fall of Corona.

If so, was he the real villain in this? He looked around at the people of Corona. The families merged together, holding each other tight, as it was all they had left, and he felt that painful sting in his chest again. He caused this... he... he did this. He took everything from them.

He'd once not minded being the bad guy. Sure, he knew his dad would be disappointed, and in some ways hurting people didn't sit well with him, but he'd felt justified in it, but this... he didn't even mean to do it. He didn't even mean to do bad, and yet he still did... he was trying to help, he was trying to be good. To protect Corona. And where did that get him? Them? Corona fell. Because of him.

He felt his eyes sting, but no tears fell, he wouldn't let them. Couldn't let them. He wouldn't dare crying, when all of this was his fault. When all of this hurt everyone so much more. Should he just cry about how much he'd hurt other people? No, he didn't get to do that. That wasn't fair to them. He chocked back a sob, hoping that no one heard, but he hadn't noticed his dad approaching him, until he kneeled down in front of him.

"Varian," His dad gave him a look that was hard to decipher. Hurt? Disappointment? Both?? "Eugene told me what happened with the gun and the amber." Oh no. Nonononononono. His dad knew. He must be so disappointed. Angry. Hurt. The amber of all things. Why did he even think to use that?! And now his dad knew that this whole mess was his fault. Now his dad knew how awful he was. How terrible he was. Would he not want him around anymore? Not even see him as his son anymore? Of course not! Who would want a son like him?! Who could ever be proud of a son like him...?

His dad interrupted his spiraling thoughts. "Are you feeling ready to talk about it?" Varian felt it like a hit to the face. That same question. Talk about it? Talk about how he ruined everything? How he has disappointed his dad? Hurt all those people? How he's just as bad as, if not worse than, Cassandra?? His dad placed a comforting hand on his knee and Varian felt everything inside of him break, as it all finally became too much for him.

He wasn't even sure how he ended up in his dad's arms, but the next thing he knew, he was being held tight, rambling off apology after apology, while choking on every other word.

At this point he'd completely given up on not crying, but with his face buried in his dad's chest, it wasn't as if anyone could see it anyways. If they could though, he thought, they'd probably be disgusted and offended that he'd dare cry over their suffering, which was his doing, but this wasn't about daring. He really couldn't hold it in anymore. And while he knew he didn't deserve it, and he knew it would be over soon, it was really nice and comforting to be in his dad's safe embrace.

He knew it wouldn't last long before his dad pushed him away and told him what he really thought. How disappointed he was in him. But right now, all Varian wanted was to stay in his embrace for as long as he'd let him.

Then, his dad said something that made his rambling just stop, all at once. Because surely he didn't hear that right. Surely he heard wrong. Did his dad even say something? Was it all in his mind? "What?" His voice was barely a whisper, horse as if he'd been crying for hours, which it honestly felt like he had. "Son," his dad said, with all the care and love in his voice that Varian had so often craved. Why would he- now? When he deserved it the least... Why? "what happened isn't your fault." Varian felt as if all air had been punched out of him. Not his fault? Not his fault?!! Sure! How?!

Varian felt a sudden, well known anger, not really directed at anyone, but at the same time directed at everyone. He pushed away from his dad, almost falling onto the floor, but his dad grapped him, with a steadying hand on his shoulder. Varian really wanted to see the hand as a comfort, as a reassurance that he'd be okay, but he couldn't. His mind wouldn't let him. Instead he snapped at his dad to let go, pushing away his hand, and clumsily jumping to his feet. That turned out to be a mistake though, as he'd not only been sitting down for way too long, but also cried his eyes out, and his vision started to blur light as he had to hold onto a chair to hold himself steady.

He stood there for a moment, giving himself some time to breathe, as the horrifying realisation of what he had just done hit him. He looked up as his dad in panic, not really wanting to see his reaction, but also not being able to avoid it. Varian was once again taken aback by his dad's reaction. He didn't seem mad, or disappointed or hurt or anything he just seemed... sad in some weird way... Varian couldn't really pinpoint the right emotion.

His dad leaned back in his own chair. "It's okay, son." He gave him a small, reassuring smile, and Varian almost let himself believe in it. "If you're not ready to talk, that's okay, but just know that I'm here. Okay, Varian?" Quirin made a motion as if to place his hand on Varian's shoulder, but then decided against it. Varian gave a stiff nod, not really sure how all his dad was here trying to comfort him, when he was the villain here. Why he had been the one to push his dad away, and not the other way around.

Varian took in a shaky breath, rubbing his neck as if to calm himself. "Can we- can we ta-alk?" Ah, another wonderful voice crack. He felt the panic rise as soon as he'd asked, but... no turning back now.

His dad gave him a nod, with another reassuring smile? Varian couldn't help, but believe it a little bit, as he moved his own chair closer to his dad's, letting his dad lay a comforting hand on his shoulder. The kind of comforting hand that would make you feel like it shielded you from all bad and harm in the world. For once that day, Varian felt safe, as he finally opened up to his dad.

After talking with his dad, and his dad, who reassured him that it was okay, that he was okay and most importantly that they were okay, Varian felt a lot better and a big weight had been lifted off his shoulders, now that he knew that his dad at least didn't hate him.

Now, the real scary part, was that he had to talk to Rapunzel. She had seemed okay earlier, but... after what he did... would she even wanna be friends anymore? Want him around?

He shook his head, trying to avoid his thoughts from spiraling again. He'd just have to bite the lemon and find out.

He walked up to her, where she was sitting with Eugene. "Rapunzel?" He made a poor attempt at making eye contact with her, while his eyes would've really preferred to stay on the ground. Then he realised that he'd used first name. "Oh um, Princess, sorry-" Usually just a fond nickname really, but rn he just wasn't sure he was allowed to call her anything else. "Can we talk?" His hand flew up to rub his neck again. Great nervous reflex right there, huh.

She gave him a soft, but exhausted smile. "Of course." She turned to Eugene and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be right back, love." Then she got up to follow him outside.

Varian suddenly felt like he'd forgotten how to talk. Simple as that. He'd forgotten every single word ever made. Right now, when he needed so many to explain. To apologise. Then, as they came to a stop, and it was time for him to start talking, he suddenly remembered all the words all at once, and of course he then ended up saying every single word that had ever existed. Rambling off one apology upon the other, until Rapunzel had to hold up a hand to stop him.

"Varian, I appreciate your apology, but you really don't have to give one. It's fine, really." He shook his head, desperate to make her understand that what he did was awful. Sure his dad had forgiven him, and reassured him that it was fine, but he wasn't there. He wasn't hurt by it. The one person who Varian hurt the most was Rapunzel, and then he went on to make it worse afterwards.

"Varian, believe me. Compared to... a certain other person, what you did is-"

"Rapunzel, everything is nothing compared to what she did, except she wouldn't have even done it if it wasn't for me."

"Did you do it on purpose..?" Rapunzel suddenly seemed so unsure of the situation. Of Varian. She had that same look on her face, as the day he'd stolen the sun drop flower. Varian felt his heart twist, and all he was really able to do was choke out a hoarse "No." Before he, and he really tried to avoid this, broke down for the second time that day.

Rapunzel had him in an embrace before he could even notice, but while he was clinging to her, she was just as much clinging to him and suddenly they were just both rambling off apologies both of them. Varian wasn't sure that half of Rapunzel's were for him, but he didn't really care. He didn't mind listening.

They ended up staying like that for way longer than planned. None of them really noticing the time passing. When Eugene and Quirin got worried and went to check on them, they found both of them on the ground in an embrace, sleeping peacefully. They made sure to carefully carry them inside, where it was warmer.

While sleeping, Varian didn't notice, but he finally believed that maybe things would be okay.


End file.
